Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just pee around me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
