it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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