i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
People in love make me want to vomit
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
