What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
