Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
