I have demons in me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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