finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
