he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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