it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
