Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
