2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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