and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
