Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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