I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
