I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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