theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
