I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
