can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
