We won't sleep together?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
