he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
