He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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