tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
