I faked an abortion last night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
