Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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