Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
