i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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