the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
