She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
