Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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