so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
