Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
