I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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