There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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