i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
