My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
