I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and she was petting her beer can
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
