My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
