I'm eating all of the evidence.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
