I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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