Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
