i already hear my dad disowning me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
