having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
