Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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