did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
