I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
