Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
