New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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