i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
