Soap is not a condiment
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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