i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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