I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
