i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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