He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
