Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
