Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
