go do what you do best...puke behind churches
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bring money and cleavage
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
