Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
