guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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