so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
