So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
