just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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