I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
